... It was apparently with Cherie. Poor devil.
Blair's coupling with Cherie is up for a Bad Sex AwardI know this is kinda old news, but I'm so out of touch it's the first I've heard about it."That night she cradled me in her arms and soothed me; told me what I needed to be told; strengthened me ... On that night of 12 May 1994 I needed that love [she] gave me, selfishly. I devoured it to give me strength. I was an animal following my instinct ... "If you haven't already guessed it, this toe-curling passage is the work of the former prime minster Tony Blair, who reminisced about a night of passion with his wife, Cherie, in his new autobiography, A Journey.Yesterday the paragraph won Mr Blair the dubious honour of a nomination for the least-coveted prize in literature – the Bad Sex Award. He becomes the first writer of a non-fiction work to be considered.
The idea of Tony and Cherie "having sex", as they say, is so complicatedly repellent that one really doesn't know which of them deserves more sympathy. Sex with Cherie? Sex with Tony? One would rather have sex with Prince Philip. Or any old horse in the royal stables, Or Ursula the Sea Witch -- but no, that's unfair to Ursula, who is rather hot, in a kinky tentacular sort of way.
It's perfect that Tony can date the occasion so precisely. One imagines an entry in the ministerial diary: "Sex with wife. 6.5/10. Two minutes 35 seconds. Felt like animal."
Comments (11)
You are not out of touch enough for my tastes.
Posted by lunch | November 24, 2010 12:34 AM
Posted on November 24, 2010 00:34
This is a hilarious post.
Cherie deserves more sympathy, btw. It doesn't get more repellant than Tony, no matter what your proclivity.
Posted by miguel | November 24, 2010 1:00 AM
Posted on November 24, 2010 01:00
Miguel -- I agree, actually. Cherie is pretty awful but Tony is much, much worse.
Posted by MJS | November 24, 2010 1:14 AM
Posted on November 24, 2010 01:14
I just realized that this post got misattributed to Owen, who would never have lowered himself to such a tawdry topic. In fact it comes from my own overheated imagination. But I'm going to leave it up under Owen's name just to drive him crazy.
Posted by MJS | November 24, 2010 1:17 AM
Posted on November 24, 2010 01:17
This is disgusting to the point of hilarity. I could have made it through the rest of my life safe from the knowledge, and maybe happier for it, but I have a taste for loathsomeness. It validates something. I'm not sure what, but it does.
Posted by Al Schumann | November 24, 2010 2:50 AM
Posted on November 24, 2010 02:50
"This is a hilarious post"
ever timid japer
mjs once again
running under false flag
frankly i would never even stumble
over such a story ....though dame ursula sounds inviting
Posted by op | November 24, 2010 8:22 AM
Posted on November 24, 2010 08:22
I'm not going to lie, there's just something about imagining Tony and Cherie bumping uglies that gets me going. I bet it's done real pro forma, where neither says anything they just look at each other, nod in agreement and then each proceed to undress in continued silence. They then get into bed, come together in a 'passionate' kiss while Tony fumbles around trying to bring Anthony Jr. to life, probably imagining George W's face in place of Cherie's. Then, when the moment is right, Tony mounts Cherie, well really he just lays on top of her, and squirms around like a slug for a couple minutes. Immediately after deposit he pops right up to grab two towels and a biscuit for Cherie in reward for a job well done, jumping right back into his running monologue on how much he hates Gordon Brown.
Posted by Paul Alexander | November 24, 2010 9:18 AM
Posted on November 24, 2010 09:18
Gross.
But one wonders: Did they do it the Third Way?
Posted by Michael Dawson | November 24, 2010 4:43 PM
Posted on November 24, 2010 16:43
Methinks the laddies do protest too much! If you're into watching why not watch the sad gropings of real people? It's the stylized twinings of the glamorous ones that make me cringe.
Posted by senecal | November 24, 2010 7:47 PM
Posted on November 24, 2010 19:47
Cherie deserves more sympathy, btw. It doesn't get more repellant than Tony, no matter what your proclivity.
I used to feel that way about Laura Bush.
Posted by Trail of Tears | November 24, 2010 9:40 PM
Posted on November 24, 2010 21:40
Tony B. Liar writes:
"That night she cradled me in her arms and soothed me; told me what I needed to be told; strengthened me ... On that night of 12 May 1994 I needed that love [she] gave me, selfishly. I devoured it to give me strength. I was an animal following my instinct..."
Jesus. H. Bicycle-Riding. CHRIST. This is satire... right? Right??
So, he "was an animal", was he? Yeah, that's for goddamn' sure...
Pig man! Pig man!
Ha, ha! Charade, you are!
--Pink Floyd.
Posted by Mike Flugennock | November 25, 2010 1:57 PM
Posted on November 25, 2010 13:57