Ethan found another gem.
According to my calculation, if we were to cut America’s $663.8 billion defense budget by 1%, that would free up enough funds to double the budget of the FBI. Doesn’t it seem like that would probably, on net, reduce the risk of Americans dying in a terrorist attack? And in the meantime we might catch some more bank robbers or other banal threats to public safety.
I think I can help with this.
First off, the FBI agents are hopelessly unqualified to do anything related to their putative remit. They're too stupid to cheat properly. They raid harmless activists—activists who are working to reduce terrorism. The FBI is famous for harassing and firing agents who take the putative remit seriously. So giving them more money is a bad idea. It's an incredibly stupid thing to do. If the point is to do something nutty, then the money would be better spent on steam-powered meatloaf slicers.
Second, cutting the war budget doesn't free up funds. The funding for anything, good and bad, is not a zero sum thing. The steam-powered meatloaf slicers could be ours, today, without foregoing a single Predator drone strike or kangaroo court trial for children that have been tortured into a false confession.
Third, the notional military budget is a fraction of the money spent pursuing militarism. Much of the funding for it is left out of the national accounting, on the principle that gaseous propriety is an excellent substitute for serious consideration of national priorities.
Fourth, and last, as Ethan observes, bank robbers are arguably doing God's work. We should be funding the expropriation of the banksters and retraining them in the honest skills of building and operating steam-powered meatloaf slicers. Money spent on their protection is a very bad idea, easily as counterproductive as giving it to the FBI.
Comments (27)
Nice essay, but don't discount the utility of a steam-powered meatloaf slicer.
Posted by gluelicker | October 5, 2010 8:50 AM
Posted on October 5, 2010 08:50
Utah Phillips also has fine words about bank robbers.
Posted by Jack Crow | October 5, 2010 10:10 AM
Posted on October 5, 2010 10:10
Hey, thanks for the link.
The nice thing about Yglesias is this: he wrote three sentences. Then I wrote six. Then you wrote seventeen. Together we've written almost eight times as much as he originally did. And we haven't even come close to spelling out everything that was wrong with those original three sentences. The man packs a big, stupid punch.
And yeah, right now I am bored enough to count sentences.
Posted by ethan | October 5, 2010 10:17 AM
Posted on October 5, 2010 10:17
gluelicker,
I don't, believe me. Right now I'm looking for an attorney who can keep a straight face when helping me file for patents on it. MJS and OP have kindly agreed to give me advertising space when I bring it to market. It's a hell of a way to fund the revolution, but the left can't afford to be too fussy right now.
Ethan,
Yes, it's like wrestling with an autistic manatee. But we do it for the sake of future generations, who will look back on our struggles and giggle helplessly. On our graves, they will leave the finest tribute any writer could ask: sliced meatloaf, a symbol of the world we left in their care.
Jack,
There's been a rash of bank robberies lately. I take it as a good sign.
Posted by Al Schumann | October 5, 2010 11:48 AM
Posted on October 5, 2010 11:48
You people are awful. First, I've read those three sentences twice now, and second, all this meatloaf talk has made me hungry. No wonder everyone's losing faith in democracy!
Posted by Randal Graves | October 5, 2010 12:39 PM
Posted on October 5, 2010 12:39
not related
but i just read this a nd it seemed plausible :
" unlicensed preference
is the road to addiction "
smackronomics
by bull lee
fugnutz beware !!!!
Posted by op | October 5, 2010 3:03 PM
Posted on October 5, 2010 15:03
Seventeen sentences, and not one meatloaf recipe. Do you think you can take down the system on an empty stomach?
Posted by Happy Jack | October 5, 2010 4:29 PM
Posted on October 5, 2010 16:29
Here's http://www.splcenter.org/get-informed/intelligence-report/browse-all-issues/2006/spring/going-under-cover one of my favorite FBI stories, partly because the agent they got rid of was responsible for saving the lives of people I knew.
Posted by Jay Taber | October 5, 2010 4:56 PM
Posted on October 5, 2010 16:56
Put the money into the TSA not the FBI.
An extreme episode of terrorism prevention:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krystian_Zimerman
Highlight:
Shortly after September 11, 2001, Zimerman's custom-made piano was confiscated at JFK Airport when he landed in New York City to give a recital at Carnegie Hall. The US Transportation Security Administration decided to destroy his piano, claiming the glue smelled like explosives.
Posted by lunch | October 5, 2010 5:42 PM
Posted on October 5, 2010 17:42
I'm with the TSA on this one. One piano down, and God! How many to go?
Posted by MJS | October 5, 2010 5:52 PM
Posted on October 5, 2010 17:52
In that case you won't be interested in:
http://konkurs.chopin.pl/en/edition/xvi/online/broadcasting
No vibrato but much sympathetic vibration and resonance.
Posted by lunch | October 5, 2010 6:04 PM
Posted on October 5, 2010 18:04
The thing about wiggles is that he is so pathetically sincere with his dumb ideas. I think thats why everyone hates him.
Posted by blockhead | October 5, 2010 6:06 PM
Posted on October 5, 2010 18:06
Get that man a corn dog and some ranch dressing.
Posted by CF Oxtrot | October 5, 2010 11:24 PM
Posted on October 5, 2010 23:24
Meatloaf?
I was more in the mood for souvlaki, myself. [shrug]
Posted by ms_xeno | October 6, 2010 12:48 AM
Posted on October 6, 2010 00:48
TSA ??
i suggest we make this wonderful outfit more
innocent traveller friendly
privatize the operation
make it really mickey mouse
who can resist this abundantly joyful
approach to strip for processing
and pat down time ???
http://glitterpalace.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/goofy.gif
lets put these folks
in disney owned character costumes
Posted by op | October 6, 2010 8:10 AM
Posted on October 6, 2010 08:10
hate wiggles ??
in my case the hate
is pure unadulterated green envy
i canker i groan i rage
imagining
the playful fun
of having
his picnic size readership
i hate them all
all the elite pwog bog blogglers
ONLY ONLY ONLY
because ...
they are read !!!
and by gaggles of smooth jawed
marathon cerebrators
Posted by op | October 6, 2010 8:27 AM
Posted on October 6, 2010 08:27
btw
that bit of glowing birch bark
next to our man
is quantum effect blogster
sol elfstein of Manhasset L.I .
Posted by op | October 6, 2010 8:32 AM
Posted on October 6, 2010 08:32
The puckish, glowing bit of birch bark is a mischief maker, and a far better writer than Yggie.
Posted by Al Schumann | October 6, 2010 9:46 AM
Posted on October 6, 2010 09:46
... by name Riley Waggaman, writes for Wonkette. He's a lot of fun.
Posted by MJS | October 6, 2010 4:34 PM
Posted on October 6, 2010 16:34
Here's the post from which I lifted the pic.
Posted by MJS | October 6, 2010 5:12 PM
Posted on October 6, 2010 17:12
"He's a lot of fun"
said with priestly gusto !!!
Posted by op | October 6, 2010 9:33 PM
Posted on October 6, 2010 21:33
One has to admire anything one can't do -- this is Smith's Fourteenth or Fifteenth Law of Life, I forget which. O ces voix d'enfants chantant dans la coupole!
Posted by MJS | October 6, 2010 10:17 PM
Posted on October 6, 2010 22:17
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vgoa-zqrJro&feature=related
Posted by 14th or 15th Law | October 8, 2010 10:54 PM
Posted on October 8, 2010 22:54
Pianists seem to get odder every year. Did this guy go to Juilliard, by any chance?
Posted by MJS | October 10, 2010 9:07 PM
Posted on October 10, 2010 21:07
This year's latest flavor, a guilty pleasure:
http://konkurs.chopin.pl/en/edition/xvi/video/5_Evgeni_Bozhanov
Posted by 14th or 15th Law | October 12, 2010 6:52 PM
Posted on October 12, 2010 18:52
go to Juilliard? Apparently not.
from his wiki entry: Gianluca Cascioli (born in Turin, Italy on 17 July 1979) is an Italian pianist, conductor, and composer. He studied composition at the Giuseppe Verdi Conservatory in Turin and piano with Franco Scala.
A piano link for SMBIVA's resident lover of the aquiline nose, another personal favorite: http://konkurs.chopin.pl/en/edition/xvi/video/3_Yulianna_Avdeeva
Posted by 14th or 15th Law | October 12, 2010 7:32 PM
Posted on October 12, 2010 19:32
My god! Wish I had that brain of yours! Your article is so structurally stable and solid! I can hardly suggest to work for a thesis writing service or just a simple job. It's so inspiring!
Posted by John Vill | March 28, 2012 7:05 PM
Posted on March 28, 2012 19:05