Stop Me Before I Vote Again

No doubt you're desperate for post-election news of Rahm Emanuel's Sockpuppet Army. Well wait no more! Were I to write the headline for this story in today's newspaper it would be something like: "Rahm's Recruits Bite The Big One!"

After a brusing primary in which a large percentage of beltway favored "Fighting Dems" were shot down by local partisan democrats, all but five of the surviving 34 "Band of Brothers" brothers were massacred in yesterdays general election.

Yes, a one handed pipefitter could now count the number "Fighting Dem" victories on his fingers. Two of the five survivors, congressional wannabe & Kosniki fave-rave Patrick Murphy in PA-08 and Virginia senatorial candidate James "Jim" "Jim-Bob" "Bomb's Away" Webb, are still in races too close to call. That leaves three with clear wins, Joe Sestak & Chris Carney in Rahmbo's home state of Pennsylvania and, this Minnesota resident is ashamed to say, Tim Walz in MN01.

(In our own defense, I feel compelled to point out that we Minnesotans did just send a real antiwar democrat to the House (and Congress' first Muslim) Keith Ellison from MN05. So it kinda balances out.)

Thus it's safe to say that DCCC poobah Rahm Emanuel's Sockpuppet Army has well and truly had the crap beaten out of it. In California, where a four of the original eleven Rahmbots survived a brutal primary battle with local partisan democrats, not a single Fighting Dem was left standing on the field of electoral battle. While in Texas, with seven of ten Rahm Recruits still in there shootin', all were gunned down at high noon yesterday.

And so it went for the Sockpuppet Army across the country. Five were filleted in Florida. A trio were keistered in Kentucky. A couple were cooked in Colorado. A pair were mauled in Maryland. Another three were nuked in New York. You get the idea.

Indeed, of the 97 original "Fighting Dems", (including 59 of Rahm's heavily DCCC funded Band of Bros.) a paltry five have survived to see the day after election day and two of those are in doubt. Outside of Rahm's home state, only two (2) Rahmbots are still kicking. (And if Webb loses to Allen in VA, that'll leave exactly one.)

To say that Rahm's "Fighting Dem" strategy is the biggest flop since Battlefield Earth would be to insult John Travolta, Scientology and extraterrestrials with cornrows and extraordinarily enhanced codpieces. Though not exactly a ringing repudiation of the Donkey Party's overall "We can manage the war better" message, only the wingy-est of wingnut Kosniki democrats could claim their hero Rahm's warmules have had any positive contribution to the dem majority in the House.