Stop Me Before I Vote Again

Laocoon, you remember, was the Trojan priest who warned his townsmen against the famous horse. Poseidon, who had an interest in the outcome, sent serpents out of the sea to eat him up for his ill-timed negativity. He is shown above, looking remarkably buff for a guy who lived before there were personal trainers, in the mortal agony that made him immortal.

I don't have Laocoon's pecs, but otherwise, I'm feeling a lot of sympathy for the old boy. My fellow Trojans are pretty giddy. The Greeks -- and I do mean Greeks, as in Sigma Chi -- appear to be gone or going, and on the shore there remains a mighty horse -- or no, look at the ears, it's a donkey! It has Sherrod Brown's face and Hillary Clinton's hindquarters, and there's something about the expression on its face that brings Joe Lieberman to mind. The chittering Trojans have hooked up the ropes, and spat on their hands, and are preparing to drag it into the citadel -- and oh shit, here come the snakes. It hadda be snakes.

Well, look on the bright side, old ancient contrarian. Once the horse is in town -- if you can just get away from those goddam snakes -- you will have the pleasure, not to be underestimated, of saying "I told you so. I told you, and I told you, but did you listen?!..."